i'm incredibly pissed now, because i realized how screwed i am for my exams

there's this shiver going my spine now

but i dont know why even though i want to i can never bring myself to actually frickin' study.

apathetic enough not to study

not enough to be happy about it, though.

guilt.

friends.

stress.

sense of emptiness.

Now you know what's troubling me.

Now you know why i want to be a psychiatrist?

when in doubt, antidepressants.

or LSD.

that shiver up my spine when i realize i'm screwed

is not like the one i enjoy.

it sucks

and i hate myself

hate myself for being this pathetic

hate myself for being so apathetic

hate myself for knowing too little

hate myself because i'm this lazy

to get down and just study.

even though so much's at stake and i know it damn well

i just can't, i don't know why.

it pisses me off, it really does.

i'm really tempted to start playing with those blades but i know they'll get stolen in seconds, and besides, that makes me a hypocrite.

i know this isn't the right way to walk down, but can i be bothered to do a thing about it? nooooo.

something inside this one has died, it has long, long ago.

something which gave him spark and cheer

something which gave him life.